Monday, June 2, 2008

The Mom Bag

This evening Jabber and I went grocery shopping after attending a lovely graduation ceremony for our eighth graders, and since it was already past his bedtime when we left the graduation, we were in a bit of a hurry. We sped through the grocery store, chatting pleasantly about all manner of things (and less pleasantly about why, for the thousandth time, I was NOT going to buy him a toy car), and by the time we were finished, I felt pretty satisfied with our time. What could go wrong?

Imagine my panic when we got out to the van and I started checking my pockets for the keys, only to find nothing but a bit of lint and a used Kleenex. Ew. Alas, in my haste, it seemed I had actually committed the cardinal sin: dropping my keys into the Mom Bag.

I carry this bag with me most everywhere, and woe to me if I actually have to use anything in it. I did finally locate my keys (did I mention it was beginning to rain?), and the two of us loaded our groceries into the van and headed home. But when I got home, I decided to get to the bottom of the Mom Bag. What, exactly is in this thing, anyway?

And now, another photo:

A detailed listing of the contents, for anthropological interest, beginning at the lower left corner and moving to the right and up:
1. Four small notepads, in the shape of hearts with smiley faces on them.
2. An orange candy conversation heart, leftover from Valentines' Day (yup, I ate it after the photo!)
3. A small container of pink sparkly glitter stuff, that my maid of honor gave to me before my wedding seven years ago. Haven't used it in at least six years.
4. The button from one of my only pairs of jeans. It spontaneously fell off one day in the library parking lot, and I picked it up, thinking perhaps I would fix it somehow. Instead, I just wear the pants unbuttoned.
5. Above that, a purple baby spoon and
6. Three tubes of lipgloss/lipstick, none of which I use.
7. Pony tail holder
8. Flashing red light for walking at night
9. Two types of chapstick
10. A blue plastic coin purse that belongs to my son
11. A hemp coin purse that contains all of my cards and such.
(going back to the left, now the mid-ground of the photo)
12. A humungous pile of receipts that I should really subtract from my checking account to see if it still has a positive balance (crossing my fingers)
13. A diaper (clean, at least!)
14. Great Shakes hand cream (a birthday present from Shana...thanks!)
15. Cover Girl powder in a color that doesn't work for me (it apparently doesn't work for my mom, either, and that's why she gave it to me)
16. package of Trident White (which happens to be empty)
17. A bottle of ibuprofen (which happens to be empty)
18. A kick-ass flashlight that my husband got me for my birthday!
19. eye drops
20. A combination lock that I use at the gym, and if I try three or four times, I actually remember the combo for it!
21. cell phone
22. Two journals and six writing utensils (five pens, one mechanical pencil)
23. A black binder clip
24. cheap sunglasses
25. a baby comb (I'm fairly certain this actually WASN'T in my purse before this evening, 'cause I could swear I saw Monkey using it to comb his nonexistant hair)
26. Two day passes for the Children's Museum
27. A package of really cool stickers
28. purple nail polish
29. a blue truck with green wheels
30. a small baggie of cough drops
31. baby mittens
32. a coupon for contact lens solution
33. and possibly strangest of all, a pink hat containing a pair of purple long underwear pants (only in Minnesota!)
34. Oh, and I can't forget that also I had the digital camera in the bag, which I don't have a picture of's the digital camera.

The worst part of the whole story? When I finished documenting this train wreck of a purse, I put everything right back in, including my keys. Except, with respect for the fact that it is June, I left the long johns out. I'm seriously hoping I don't regret that!


Shana said...

OMG. I am laughing so hard. That bag is not even that big!! How do you fit all of that in there? Ha!

I just cleaned my mom bag out yesterday and it is so....empty. I guarantee that it won't stay that way for long though.

half pint pixie said...

excellent! I've lost count of the amount of times my keys have disappeared in my bag, and I've even allocated them an inner pocket, but they still escape!