Monday, November 24, 2008

Terrible Twos!

The Temper Tantrums have arrived!

This morning I committed a grievous error when attempting to dress my toddler. That is, I attempted to dress my toddler. In a shirt, which apparently was not the right shirt; in fact, it was the wrong shirt entirely.

Instantly, he threw himself back on the changing table--weeping, screeching, gnashing his teeth, and, most dramatically, banging his head against the wall. The entire time, he tried to rip his clothes off, just as I tried to put them on him. Now, normally I would let him choose another shirt, but as it happens, all of the clean clothing is currently in laundry baskets on the living room floor, not folded neatly in his drawers, where I could access them. So...cruel, lazy woman that I am, I subjected my poor child to the evil of the dreaded Star Wars shirt (that he loved last time he wore it, by the way!).

Due to the dreadful tribulation of being forced into this garment, Monkey further decided that every article of clothing that I attempted to put him in was clearly an affront to his tiny toddler dignity. He tore at his jeans with desperate fingers, kicking his feet as quickly as he could to keep me from snaring them in the legs. Alas for him, I was speedy and strong--worse, I kept on singing this ridiculous version of "Old MacDonald" that distracted him from his wrath and sometimes even made him forget himself and laugh.

Downstairs, though, the trials continued with the horrors of jacket, hat, mittens, and boots. Monkey had had enough! Once again, the only reasonable solution seemed to be a complete and total collapse, accompanied by impressive sound effects.

After several unsuccessful rounds of silly songs and lots of sweet cajoling, I decided that I would capture the tantrum on video, for posterity. Wasn't I just saying that poor Monkey didn't get his share of the spotlight in terms of proper childhood documentation? This seems a little cruel and mocking, maybe--to videotape your child's obvious anguish--but the happy little side effect was that, when the video was done, I played it for the little Monkey, and he was fascinated! He held the camera tightly, staring at the video.

"Dat me? Dat baby? Me cry? Me cry oh no!" he said, absorbed in the pictures. Dutifully, he switched the camera to the other hand and held out his arm to be stuffed into his jacket.

"DAT ME!" he exclaimed, allowing me to strap the formerly hateful boots onto his feet.

"AGAIN!" he demanded, after holding out his hands to accept mittens and lifting his chin to let me tie his hat on.

"All done!" I said, putting the camera back up on the bookcase. "Baby all done crying! YAY!"

We clapped. We cheered. We got out the door on time.


CDP said...

Yes, your children are my children three years ago. Let me know when Monkey starts calling everyone he's fed up with a "chowdahead". That's the four-year-old's favorite insult now.

Catherine said...

You are so patient (lunatic voice is so calm, lol). When my wee sprog does this I'm all "I'M COUNTING TO THREE AND THEN I"M GOING TO FEED SOMEONE TO THE DOG!!!!ONE.....TWO....."

amy said...

"Dat me? Dat baby? Me cry? Me cry oh no!"

lol! who knew the mirror stage could be so freaking adorable?

also, your voice is totally cute.

amy said...

p.s. also lolling at Cat's comment. :)

liss n kids said...

Yes, cat, well, I edited that part OUT of the video...though we don't have a dog, so it makes it a little less effective...

@cdp: I know, our boys are eerily similar! I'll wait for chowdahead with bated breath.

@amy: I know, and it's a damn good thing he's adorable!